Summertime, summertime, Sum-Sum-Summertime

So I started using Sparkpeople.com to track my calorie intake and my calories burned. I have been exercising 3 days a week since school has been out. According to my most recent weigh-in, I have lost 7lbs since getting out of school. It's exciting and I'm actually starting to enjoy my time at the gym. I am really enjoying this site and find it really helpful. I am really proud myself.

Garage Sales and Good Times

I got up early this morning to do some garage sale hunting. And much to my surprise, I found an amazing rug and a rocking chair for my classroom. The chair needs some work, so I was excited to find a electric sander for $5 dollars. Then I went to the farmer's market with a friend and bought some peaches and some blueberries. Then I came home and napped and then went to meet a friend at the mall for dinner as she was leaving with her babies only to see some other friends from church come in and I ended up sitting with them and eating and visiting. It was  great day! :)

The Ripening begins...

Summer. Freedom. Stress-free. Relaxing. Slowing down.

Today was the official first day of summer vacation. I jumpstarted my new exercise and eating plan using Sparkpeople.com to record my calorie intake and exercise. I had the joy of just sitting next to the pool with my book and embracing the slower pace in life. I also started my art journal last night. I have teacher trainings for the rest of the week, but it's not teaching children so I'll survive. I was proud to see that my first tomato is starting to ripen today.  

Beautiful. Brave. These are two words that come to mind when I think of my dear friend, Karisse. Surviving 4 battles with cancer, the death of her mother and the remarriage of her father are just a few of the reasons that I think she’s brave. I am currently riding the train home from Charlotte where I was able to visit with her for a short weekend that included Shakespeare in the Park, pedicures and plenty of shopping at Ross. I’m blessed to have person in my life who can be the type of person that you rarely see yet it never feels unusual when you are together. I always leave her presence inspired to do the things I am passionate about. Which sometimes leaves me wondering…what am I passionate about? Karisse is passionate about making a difference in the world especially in regards to human trafficking. She wants to see it end in her lifetime. I guess I am passionate about things that just aren’t so world-changing or aren’t they? I recently have been reading anything about classroom management and being a better teacher that I can get my hands on and I read this quote that in summary said, Teach a child, close a prison door. I guess I am passionate about teaching and loving children and helping them see they can achieve whatever they set their mind on. Is my passion something trivial? Sometimes I feel as if they are. Karisse, my friend, are beautifully and uniquely yourself and value your friendship. Be brave in Portland.

Darkness

I have really been battling with depression again these last few weeks and I don’t know how much of it is related to the end of the year exhaustion or turning 30 and being single or unknown reasons. But the thing about depression that I hate is that you desperately want to feel better and want to fight off the lies yet it requires effort and work and these are not things that you desire to do when you don’t care about much. So the depression cycles and the darkness looms and you long just to burrow away and have no contact with others because you can’t seem to do it well and you inadvertently sound harsh and cranky. So rather than cry out for help…you burrow deeper. The darkness clouds your view and you begin to live contently discontent with the lies that swirl about in your head. You feel bad about yourself, but you continue to perpetuate the behavior that makes you feel bad about yourself. Then you’re caught in the chains of self-loathing when you desperately know that the LIGHT is within your grasp if you will just open your eyes and make yourself gaze in the LIGHT and the TRUTH. You make small steps towards escaping the pit only to slide back into the dark hole. You feel worse for failing yet again to pull yourself up by your boot-straps and get it together. You feel like a failure as a friend, and a hypocrite who asks for help yet resists the steps necessary to break free. Why do I torment myself so? The vicious cycle continues and you spiral deeper and the LIGHT seems farther from your reach. Yet the LIGHT continues to conquer the darkness and you feel as if maybe just maybe there is hope for you once again to bask in the LIGHT free from the chains that you have wrapped around yourself. The LIGHT sends messengers of LIGHT to poke through your darkness to reveal the freedom that can be. Dear friends, you may not even be aware that you have done this thing.

I recently have been reading the Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God’s Love. In reading this daily, there are things that I believe I have known but not grasped in a way that makes my heart move on an emotional level. Now if you really know me you know I don’t typically tear up at movies or books. But as I was reading this passage, tears streamed down my face at the very thought of God’s heart towards me. Allow it to sink in. The reality of this is heart-melting allowing me to feel things I haven’t felt for a while. A glimmer of LIGHT.

“God now has only love, compassion, and deep affection for me, and this love is without any mixture of wrath whatsoever. God always looks upon me and treats me with gracious favor, always working all things for my ultimate and eternal good. God’s grace abounds to me even through trials. Because I am a justified one, He subjugates every trial and forces it to do good unto me. When I sin, God’s grace abounds to me all the more as He graciously maintains my justified status as described above.

When I sin, God feels no wrath in His heart against me.

His heart is filled with nothing but love for me, and He longs for me to repent and confess my sins to Him, so that He might show me the gracious and forgiving love that has been in His heart all along. God does not require my confession before He desires to forgive me.

In His heart, He already has forgiven me; and when I come to Him to confess my sins to Him, He runs to me (as it were) and is repeatedly embracing and kissing me even before I get the words of my confession out of my mouth. God does see my sin and He is grieved by my sins. His grief comes partly from the fact that in my moments of sin, I am not receiving the fullness of his love for me…I don’t deserve any of this , even on my best day; but this is my salvation, and herein I stand. Thank you, Jesus.”

The 30th Birthday that I dreamt of...

So I just celebrated my 30th birthday and I wanted it done with class and style. So I decided on a fondue party that was Black and White themed. I was blessed by all in attendance and those who especially helped contribute to my party from making fondue to baking my amazing birthday cake. I love that I have a great community and "family" here in NC. It makes the celebrating milestones without family bearable. I love you all.  Enjoy these fabulous pictures taken by my friend, Kaitlin Roten of 2point5d photography. You can check out her work at http://www.2point5d.com/

Here's a few of my favorite pictures:

If you turn 30 and you're still single you deserve a tiered cake.

 It was a Paula Deen Raspberry Limeade Cake...can you say butter anyone?

My friend, Jenny made it and decorated it for me and it was FABULOUS.

This is the party hat that one of my good friend's twin girls felt that I just had to have!!

These are my small group people from church! Love my peeps!

Make a wish!

My sweet friend, Kristi. She and her twin girls, Kassie and Karrie did all the decorating for my party

allowing me the privilege of walking in and relaxing most of the afternoon!

Here's to 30!!