Attack of Teacher Brain

This week I found out that I get to have my request of teaching a regular education 4th grade class next year. One of the things I love most about being a teacher is the buzz and excitement for a new schoolyear. The clean slate where you always get to restart and repair previous errors. It's a beautiful thing. I really do enjoy the anticipation of what could be. However sometimes the weeks prior to the school year are full of sleepless nights where my brain never shuts off. For some odd reason, my brain has decided that it would like to do that know with all the possibilities for next year when I haven't even finished this one. I guess I could consider it a blessing. It has me charged up and ready to do some summer nerdy teacher reading and summer lesson planning. Weird. I've never had the desire to do much of that stuff before. Might this be God's way of confirming that I'm making the right decision to step away from Special Ed for a while and take a refreshing breather and a new challenge. I will feel sad leaving my teammates and roommates behind in the world of Special Ed Resource, but here's to the adventure...hopefully there will be some sleep involved in the next 3 monnths.

Oh my soul, oh my stubborn soul

Psalm 62
by Shane Barnard

He's the only one strong enough to lean my heaviness against.
The weight of all my sin falling on a rock.
Leaning on a fortress.
Oh the wall of God.
He won't move.

On God I rest my salvation.
My fortress shall not be shaken.
My mighty rock and my glorious.
I lay my head upon His chest.

Oh I am calling out.
Oh my soul, oh my stubborn soul.
Won't you wait on Him.
Wait in the guilt. Even in your fear.
Oh your God is here to lean on.
He won't move.

He has spoken. Hear his voice:
"I have come for the broken."
So all ye weary come and rest.

On God I rest my salvation.
My fortress shall not be shaken.
My mighty rock and my glorious.
I lay my head upon His chest.


This morning in the shower while getting ready for church, Jesus began to speak to my heart and it only continued throughout the morning. UNREPENTANT was the word I heard that began to break my heart of the selfish pride that drives me to be continually self-reliant rather than God dependent. Why to do I so frequently forget that I am hopelessly more sinful than I imagine? I am so stubborn. (I know this may come as no surprise to some of you!) Jesus continued to peel the layers of my sin up as the day continues. In LifeChange class, I was encouraged by the HOPE we have in Christ with is essentially that God cannot lie and for this I am grateful. The teacher then proceeded to ask this question: When was the last time you suffered hopefully?
This only made my head spin as I look towards tomorrow and my Daddy's tests for prostate cancer. Will I choose to press in to the Truth and the Hope that is sure or will continue in self-reliance? I then proceeded to worship where we say Blessed Be Your Name and the lyrics...He gives and takes away, broke the dam of emotion that has been hiding under the surface. Tears unexpected but welcome. Will I trust God even if He chooses to allow cancer to be present and if I face the reality of someday losing my earthly father who has been an amazing reflection of my Heavenly Father? These are questions that continue to swirl around in my mind and my heart. I don't know the answers, but I choose to know that God is the only one strong enough to lay my heaviness upon. Oh the weight of my sin...falling on a ROCK!